Is it my libido or is it because he refuses to empty the dishwasher? Some days not wanting to have sex is as easy as that question – is there anything less sexy than a partner who refuses to put away the plates? – but if you find yourself not wanting to have sex regularly and it’s causing difficulties in your relationship there may be an underlying problem.

First of all ask yourself why? How do you feel about your relationship? How do you feel about your body? What’s your history with sex? If these aren’t the issues start to look at some external factors. There are a number of things that could be contributing to a low sex drive such as:

  • Your contraception. Whether you’re on the pill, the mini pill, the coil or are using an implant, the method of birth control you opt for may not be the perfect one for you. If you can trace your low sex drive back to starting your current method of contraception if may be time to talk to your GP about changing things up.

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  • How are your stress levels? Elevated levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, can, amongst other things, lower immune function and bone density, help to increase weight gain, interfere with normal blood pressure levels and it can wreak havoc with your libido. When you’re stressed, sex might be the last thing on your mind but it could be because of high levels of cortisol racing around your body. If you find managing stress is difficult, look into ways that help you destress and relax like meditation, exercise or even counselling – it’s good to talk.
  • Like everything else what you’re eating can cause problems when it comes to your sex drive. Large amounts of fast food or very severe dieting can change the way your body functions to the degree that your libido is negatively affected. Whole foods, a variety of fruit and vegetables and good hydration (the odd glass of wine is allowed too) will help to reset your body to a place of balance.


  • Watch your hormones. Heavy or painful periods, periods that are too frequent or infrequent or a history of endometriosis or polycystic ovary syndrome can mean that your hormones aren’t at their optimum levels. If you’re perimenopausal or menopausal chat to your GP or get a referral to a women’s health specialist for a check-up.